She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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