I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
