I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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