I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
