you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
