i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
