dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
