we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
