You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
