His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
