The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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