She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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