I wish I only lived at night.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
