i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
