I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
