"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
