Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
