her vagina looked like bernie madoff
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
