the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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