My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
