Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
