I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
3 2 1 whiskey
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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