So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Is Oprah even human
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
