i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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