I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
