He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my shit smells like andre
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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