And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
