Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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