wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
