She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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