who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
