guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
