it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
...so i touched it.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
