can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
