Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
