Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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