Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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