he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Is it penis luge time yet?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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