I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
