I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
