Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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