so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
