you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
