there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
