so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
