My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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