She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
