3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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