you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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