I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
